Jim Gaffigan on Father’s Day for men without kids

Father’s Day is special for dads everywhere, particularly our Jim Gaffigan. It’s Father’s Day every third Sunday in June. We honor all the men who have generously taken on the role of dad in some child’s life. Today, these men will be the recipients of coffee mugs, neckties and barbecue equipment, which they will cherish for at least a day. But what about the guys who don’t have children?

The men who’ve never volunteered to be a dad like figure in someone’s life? What do we even call these men? I mean, besides happy, lucky, or smart? On paper, being a father is a bad investment. Financially, emotionally, physically, mentally. I could go on. It’s not surprising some men choose to not be a parent.
It makes sense.

Some guys would forego eventually hearing their own teenage offspring whisper, can you act like you don’t know me? At times, I envy these non father men. But we can’t compare these men to a father. Heck, I don’t even think these men should be considered adults.

How are these guys different from a pampered toddler? Really? What, a driver’s license? A bank account? What do these toddler men even do with their free time? They probably just call it time. Are there worries or concerns that keep these men up at night?

What am I going to have for breakfast? They probably just eat their breakfast in quiet. No screaming, no conflict. Just quiet. Yeah, there’s no comparison. One man has a rich, fulfilling life, and the other is a dad. So sorry. Father’s Day is not for them. Those childless men will have to sit today out. Sure, they have other days, and yeah, there are 364 of those days, but not today. Today is Father’s Day.

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